Urgh...!!

I know I haven't written in quite some time, but I didn't have much to write about. I was doing somewhat better, I was on my pain medication .&. it was helping. I went for a refill the second week of October where my doctor felt the need to put me on something else.

He said he wanted to try me on Tyenol #4 (are you F#*!&^$ kidding me..!?) LMAO.
If it were only that easy.

So he was taking me off of 8-24mg of hydromorphone and putting me on Tyenol #4, that was like a SLAP in the face!

Whatever. I tried it, knowing it wasn't going to work .&. it didn't! So last week I goto the doc for some ADHD medication called 'Adderal'.. I don't know if that is working or not.. anyways..

I told him that it wasn't working so he said he would try me on the BuTrans patch.. ok I thought I don't care what I'm on as long as it works!

The patch was 5mg lol you think he woulda known that is not going to help seems how before I was taking 16mg most of the time, 24 if it was really bad or 8 if not too bad!

I AM SO FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!!

My pain was so bad last night that my BP was 143/118! I went to emerge and they told me it was a 6hr wait, I stayed for 2 hours then I had to leave cause I was becoming so cranky from the pain. I got some weed and smoked that and felt a bit better, I just hate smoking weed it makes me right paranoid depending who I'm around. Urghhh, I'm going to look for a new doctor, what that knows more about my pain and just doesn't think it's a joke!

So0o Tired!!

Urgh!! I can barley keep my eyes open today, last night was horrible.. up every hour! Hopefully I can get Jodi to nap with me :)

Anyways I still have ear infections in both ears.. chest infection is gone though :D ! So I had bad twitching in my eye the other day then it moved to my face! Being concerned after 3 days of constant twitching I called my neurologist .&. he said go right to the ER.. so I did.. They did blood work, ultrasound (cause I had abdominal pain) .&. a CT scan, needless to say it wasn't a stroke I'm dizzy and twitching cause I have fluid in my ear canal.. yay that can take MONTHS to go away!! And the ultrasound was fine, my insides look good lol.

Yesterday I went hiking with my brother down Salmon Hole Dam Rd! It was amazingly beautiful I got some nice shots as you can tell! Can't wait to go again! I'm thinking about moving down by West Chezencook (however it's spelled) for a change .&. to get out of the city! I love the country but not Wrong Turn kinda stuff!! It's only a 30 min drive back into Dartmouth :D So that's not too bad... that's the update for today, not feeling well as uaual.. Thanks to everyone who has been reading/following my blog! Some pics of yesterday below! Oh .&. the image above is an HDR photo! I'm starting to love those! I'm going to send some of my pictures in to some magazine publishers finger crossed they will publish them! Look on my facebook for the rest of them :)

2011 - Quick Update!

W e l c o m e . 2 0 1 1

^ Our Christmas Video ^

Christmas was lovely, my hands didn't bug me much on Christmas day! :) Dad is home from the hospital again, hopefully it will be a long time before he has to go back in! Ricky came home for a few days of a needed break! I also had a wicked Birthday even though I wasn't feeling the best with my hands I had a few drinks .&. after the countdown we set of fire works!! Thanks to all my friends .&. family who came over new years eve to party and bring in the new year/my birthday! New year's day we went to my mom .&. dad's for my Birthday supper, was delicious as usual. That is one thing I miss the most is mama's cookin'!

Right now I am super sick.. my left ear is blocked again!! Last time it blocked was October and cleared December 11th and re-blocked again yesterday! I guess I need to go downtown again that's what unblocked it the first time, must have been the bass from the subs in the club I guess..?

Anyways, I've been getting sever pain in my hands .&. knees apart from the EM, I was tested for arthritis .&. it came back negative.. but that is also a sign of lupus.. Which the doctors say that I most likely have sooner then later :(

My doctor is doing duty tonight so I have an appointment with him at 5 to get some meds for this horrible pain .&. hopefully something to help with this cold I have, I think I have a chest infection as well.. I'm sure I've had it for a few months but now that I'm sick I notice it much more.

I will blog again sooner then last time lol

Thanks for reading!

Where Are You Christmas?

Where are you Christmas

Why can't I find you

Why have you gone away

Where is the laughter

You used to bring me

Why can't I hear music play

My world is changing

I'm rearranging

Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas

Do you remember

The one you used to know

I'm not the same one

See what the time's done

Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here

Everywhere, oh

Christmas is here

If you care, oh

If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

I feel you Christmas

I know I've found you

You never fade away

The joy of Christmas

Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas

Fill your heart with love

Mommy's Princess Making Her Silly Face! ^.^

So yesterday Simon .&. I took Jodi to the mall to get her a build-a-bear .&. have lunch at Eastside Mario's. I had squid, I love that stuff!! Yumm! Jodi had a cheeseburger .&. fries and Simon had lasagna! We had a pretty good day. Last week was pretty good too referring to my hands, I even got to goto the club to celebrate Mike's birthday .&. mine .&. Simon's anniversary! Until Saturday, then it came back full force.. this year Santa if your reading this all I want is for all my family .&. friends to have a happy safe holiday! I want my Dad to get better! I also would like to get a long break from my hands .&. feet if you could, although I know it's a lot to hope .&. wish for.

-Pictures are copyrighted by Holly McBride-

Arghhh!!

Ok so I finally got to the docs .&. got a prescription for this tropical cream.. I was really hopeful that it would work.. but it didn't..

It did nothing for me.. didn't numb it nothing.. so after a few day I went to the ER.

I seen a doctor there who told me that he would write a referral to try .&. get me in quicker to the specialist but that some of the doctors had left .&. are super busy trying to fit all the patients in. Other than that he gave me some demerol for the pain .&. told me if I start getting black spots on my hands or feet to come right back because that would be narcosis, which for those of you who don't know that means your skin in dying..

So yesterday was my first good day in over a week.. I went christmas shopping with my boyfriend for our daughter .&. I was pretty much 'pain .&. itch' free until we got to the hospital to visit my dad, then my feet started to get hot and kinda itchy..

I went home .&. cleaned my bathroom .&. mopped a bit then everything fell to shit again..

but so far this morning I'm ok,

so I will keep my fingers crossed!

I think I'm going to goto mom's for the day!

Wish me luck! xo

Photo's of Erythromelalgia

Hey guys! I thought I should take a few pics of my hands to show you guys what it looks like..

My Own Personal Prison

I think over the last month or so I've been kinda depressed. I cry a lot. I worry about stuff... like how I can raise Jodi with this stupid EM. What school to put her in, how to manage a house hold .&. keep in in good condition while I'm sick, if there is anything to worry about, I worry. My social life is horrible.. I can't go anywhere.. I feel like I'm in my own personal prison trapped within these walls. There is no cure for EM. I have to live with this the rest of my life.. .&. that scares me. It's hard enough to stay sane.

I have a doctors appointment with my family doc on tuesday.. I'm hoping he can prescribe me this tropical cream, I need to find something other then weed that works for the pain. Cause living with EM is awful..