Kinda Sad Today..

I cried this morning for the first time in a while. I'm usually a strong person but all of this is taking a toll on me. Monday was an excellent day, felt fine from the time I woke up! I got up .&. did the dishes, laundry and tidied up my house. Then I went to sleep .&. woke 4 times during the night.. was up for about 30 minutes each time so that cut my sleep down by two hours! I'm just so fed up with this. Jodi has been at mom .&. dad's now for a good 3 days. That bothers me the most, the fact that mom .&. dad have to take care of her while I'm sick not only that but it bothers her that I'm sick.. cause it's all she's ever known. I think that is what hurts me the most, the fact that it cuts down on our time together .&. I feel like I'm failing at being a mom to her!! :"(

Yesterday I did a bit of research.. I was reading that a drug called Ketamine also known on the street as 'Special K' which is used in human and veterinary medicine and is also in the family of PCP "may be used in small doses (0.1–0.5 mg/kg·h) as a local anesthetic, particularly for the treatment of pain associated with movement and neuropathic pain.." So it basically 'numbs' the area that is effected. So next tuesday I have an appointment with my family doc to see if he can prescribe it to me in cream form instead of pills.. in pill form it causes hallucinations.

Cream form of Ketamine wouldn't cause any hallucinations as it is a low dose of the drug mixed into a tropical cream. If taken by pill form it has the same effects as PCP .&. Ecstasy! So I'm now searching on google for the side effects of the cream because I don't want to have to be grinding my teeth all day.. lol! I will keep everyone posted!